


The Moment He Knew

by hellbentiero



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Boys In Love, Crushes, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Idiots in Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-17
Updated: 2018-06-17
Packaged: 2019-05-24 11:34:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14953907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hellbentiero/pseuds/hellbentiero
Summary: Gerard realizes he loves Frank and it scares the shit out of him because he doesn't know about their future together yet.





	The Moment He Knew

It was late summer, the part of summer that left the air thick and heavy and the evenings lazy on the wooden porch in the garden of the Way family, Frank and Gerard always by themselves because Mikey was always out somewhere, determined to make every hour count before the beginning of the new school year. While Gerard’s father usually worked late, his mother spent the evenings with her book club girlfriends, and until the daily family dinner, they had the place to themselves.

Far away from the rest away of the world with cans of diet coke in the cooler next to them, cigarettes from the corner store and the crickets chirping in the background as the sun set, nobody mattered but the two of them. It was another one of their late afternoons- or early evening, depending on the point of view- with the sun burning low on the sky in orange and red, and they smoked lazily together, talking about nothing at all, but somehow, it was different. 

Frank had smoked the last cigarette of the pack, the bastard, so Gerard had made his way back to his basement room to get new ones, and when he came back and almost tripped and fell on his way because Mikey could never leave his own shit in his own room, Gerard pushed open the glass door to the garden and watched Frank for a moment as he fumbled with the plastic foil sealing the pack. Frank hadn’t noticed his return yet, so he was lying on one of their many blankets on the grass they had stolen from the couch, the sun casting shadows below his cheekbones and a golden glow on his skin. He had his eyes closed and fingers still curled around that damn last cigarette, the smoke curling between his lips before it faded into the lukewarm air, hair all messed up because you were probably not supposed to lie down during the day with a faux hawk like Frank’s.

Gerard didn’t know how much time he spent at the door, fingers gripping the plastic and paper tightly, but he suddenly found himself in a trance-like state, not able to tear his eyes away or clear his throat as he saw his best friend in the grass who would have seemed asleep if it wasn’t for the drags from the cigarette he took from time to time with his eyes still slipped shut. 

The warmth that spread from Gerard’s chest throughout his body and left him tingling and nervous was something he had gotten used to over the months ever since he had seen Frank in nothing but a towel in his bathroom because they had been out together all day, coming home gross and sweaty and Frank hadn’t locked the damn bathroom door because he was as self-conscious as a toddler. Gerard had tried to hide his embarrassment and Frank had believed it was just because Gerard had always had struggles with his own body image, but instead of freaked out, Gerard had gotten hard, secretly hating himself for being such a fucking creep because this was Frank and not one of the twinks from the porn websites, but Frank hadn’t noticed anything. He never noticed anything.

Neither the way Gerard spent more time looking at his expressions than the TV when they watched movies together nor the way his friend would constantly blush at the most ridiculous things they talked about together. He also didn’t know that he was constantly on Gerard’s mind even when they weren’t together, and not the way friends usually were on each other’s minds. 

Friends didn’t think about their friends in the shower or under their covers late at night, but Gerard did and he had to keep it a secret because it could never happen.

It was nothing serious; he'd had crushed on all kinds of people before, so this couldn’t be different.

It was more intense. It had lasted longer. But that was just because this was Frank, wasn’t it? Frank was different. Frank was better. Frank was…

Gerard’s breath got caught in his breath when Frank stubbed out his cigarette in his grass they would get killed for by Gerard’s mom later, terrified of what would happen if his friend realized he was being glared at like an animal in the zoo, but he kept his eyes closed and his body on the blanket in the warm sunlight. 

As he continued to just look at Frank all peaceful and spread out and somehow more beautiful than anything or anyone Gerard had ever seen in his stupid life, he felt this stupid stab in his heart, this stupid sensation in his bloodstream, this stupid longing for his best friend that was absolutely pointless. He also realized how intense those feelings were and that this wasn’t a crush. It had never been a crush, if he was being honest with himself. Later, he would refer to this as the moment he knew, the moment he had seen being described in mediocre heterosexual cheesy moments, the moment you know you love someone, the moment you know you want to stay with that person for the rest of your life. They were only high school seniors and this was absolutely ridiculous to believe, and yet he knew in that moment that this feeling would never leave, that he would never want Frank to only be his friend and that he would never want anyone else. 

And half a decade later, he would tell almost a hundred people about this in the small chapel decorated with hundreds of stupid cheesy rose petals and even more stupid cheesy ribbons and ornaments, and he would have stupid tears in his eyes while telling the story, and everyone in the crammed room would listen to him in awe, and then he would look at Frank only a foot-length away from him in his stupidly gorgeous suit with stupid tears brimming in his stupidly beautiful eyes too, and his breath would get caught in his throat again, just like back then, because he wouldn’t be able to believe just how lucky he was to actually get to spend the rest of his life with the most amazing person he had ever met.

But back then, he didn’t know any of that yet, so he just stood there on the stupid porch, the ache in his heart as he realized it, as he recognized these nauseating feelings as love, stupid love that wouldn’t just leave like any other crush, and he hated it, he hated how much it scared him, but he also loved it. Because he loved Frank, right then, and the day before that and every single one after that, and it wouldn’t leave, just like Frank wouldn’t, but he didn’t know that, not yet. He just stood there staring stupidly and Frank's beautiful features in the golden light and keep his feelings hidden. For now. He didn’t know yet. Didn’t know it would get better.

Didn’t know they would be wearing matching white gold rings on their fingers on this day exactly six years later, fingers entwined, and they would do so every day for the rest of their stupid lives, but they would be stupid together.

He just didn't know about all of that yet. 


End file.
